Deprivation!

Ok so I was going to call this post sleep deprivation ... but I am not necessarily suffering from sleep deprivation, I think its more a case of personal time deprivation - if such a thing exists? (it does, doesn't it?)

So in my line of business the Summer months are the busiest, and thankfully I am busy - very busy! Which we'll all agree (me especially) is a good thing, that said it would be nice to have a little more 'me time'!

I remember a time, not so long ago that I could spend hours in the bath, gently 'prunifying' myself and then laddering myself in some gorgeous (expensive) lotion. Now the lotions sit on the shelf, another dusting fiend and an 8 minute shower is about the extent of my 'bathing' experience!

Seems my previous blog is all about (or was all about) my new found organizational skills and here I am discussing a lack thereof (ironic or what!) ... hmmm do you think its a bit much to get your PA to schedule 'bathtime' for you? hmmmm... perhaps ill have to have a re-read of his Job Description and see can i feasibly pull that one off.

Anywho in the interest of having some ' couple time' with my DH I shall have to leave (hopefully for not as long).

Organisation

As I have mentioned before I work for myself... well actually that is not entirely true, I work for each of my clients and the bank manager. Many people think, wow you own your own company... that must be great! (don't get me wrong, it does have its perks) but its not always what you might think. You are the be all and end all, and ultimately the buck stops with you- regardless.

We tidied out our 'office' today... and its true what they say - organisation is key! Its taken us weeks to get the filling and the operation just so but I reckon we have it cracked now and things should be a lot smoother from here on in! This 'organisation' of ours has even spread into our home life and things are running a lot smoother all around! It's amazing what a few carefully positioned post-its and notice boards can do!!

My next 'project' are the friendships... not that they should necessarily fall under the heading 'organisation' ... but well I have noticed a considerable shift in certain friends attitudes. Is it a human thing, or just maybe an Irish thing that friends can not be happy for other friend's success... or is it perhaps just a woman thing... that women can not be happy for each other? hmmm.... that can't be true? - can it?

I have one close friend (although that may not be the best word to describe her) in particular and every time a major event occurs in my life mind games begin... slowly and surely the fault or issue is mine and it shadows whatever great event... wedding, booking being launched, anniversary of miscarriage...that may be going on for me... now I know some reading this will think I am being paranoid or self centered but believe me if you knew the ins and outs you would be suspicion too... and even in this animosity the details are so unique that a friend of a friend with a distant connection could join the dots... lets just say that i have constantly in my mind that some friends are there for a season, some for reason and the others for life... not quite sure which one this friend is in yet!

Hair today, gone tomorrow...

A womans hair removal job is never day!

Although it's Tuesday I am only getting to flick through the Sunday papers today! What I thought was a nice little girlie mag turned out to be nothing other than a page to page promo mag! Filled with products promising me the sun, moon and stars!

From slimmer tums, to trimmer tums...
fuller lips to bigger tits -by buying the contents I could have it all!

Now ill admit that the cleverly written adverts are convincing... so much so that i am considering purchasing a few... a sucker for a quick fix or good money down the drain I don't know... check back and you mights see a further blog to elaborate!!

People Listening

I consider myself a good listener. I think my friends do too, at least in my present they do talk, and perhaps a little more openly than they would like.

I like to sit and listen to people, nodding or hmmming when appropriate, I've found people like this, less interference for them. Every friend always has a person they turn to when things are bad, or they need someone to talk to. A Confidante. They might not necessarily be the closet of their friends but someone in whom they confide their darkest worries or troubles. I seem to be this person for a number of my friends, flattering in a way that people are so comfortable with me.

I've noticed that my clients have inadvertently started to do this too. I meet many couples in my line of business, and most of our time spent together is one on one and so its easy for them to open up to me. The saying 'the grass is not always greener' springs to mind quiet a lot for me. It never ceases to amaze me how people interrupt situations, or how they even see themselves. And its also never ceases to amaze me the amount of people who stay married, get married or remain with a partner even though had they the choice to start over they wouldn't and if they could do things differently they would.

I am sure you have all said to yourselves, or to a loved one, when am I going to be rich, or when am I going to have a job I like, or when am I going to get that promotion, or when am i going to meet a man i can really marry and spend the rest of my life with... my answer - when you get up off your big fat ass, believe whatever it is you want will happen and start being proactive about what you want!

I have 2 friends whom I adore. The sweetest women ever. Both very strong willed and minded. Both in relationships they openly admit aren't working. One staying with her partner for the sake of the children (a whole other blog topic that I wont get into right now) and the other, well the other... with a shred of love I think. Both relationships are self destructive, both parties in each relationship are unhappy and making things worse as neither seems to do anything about it. Now by no means am I saying 'chuck in the towel' and be done with it (unless of course that is what they want) but seriously why go on with nasty text messages, snide phone calls and abrupt voice-mails. In an age where we have numerous ways to communicate with one another I think plain old fashioned talking face to face is all but forgotten.

I know you are probably thinking, easy for you to say all this, you are probably one of those 'greener patches of lawn' we are all admiring, and I know up until last night one of my friends thought this, but we're no greener than anyone else... every relationship has its own troubles thankfully we're able to communicate and work through it - but that wasn't always the case.

I just think people make themselves unhappy by accepting situations and allowing them to continue and not stopping and thinking how can I fix this. I always say to my husband, if you have a problem, don't think about the problem, think about the solution and if you can't find a solution ask for help. As they say 'life is what you make it' and it can be that simple.

5 missed calls...

It never ceases to amaze me that when you don't (can't) answer the phone (mobile or landline) people continue to call - repeatedly!!!

I work for myself and have 3 numbers. A landline and 2 mobiles(a work and a personal). My brother (bless his little heart) will be coming too work with me from Thursday and until then keeps in touch with me on his breaks by phone. He always rings my personal phone - speed dial, failing that my landline and finally my work mobile. I'm always beside at least 2 of these phones, joined at the hip type scenario and always answer unless driving (responsible me), already on the phone, or peeing (TMI - I know) or in a meeting.

My husband also frequently calls if I am out of the office - misses my emails...

Today, I am out of the office, told them both I will be with clients for most of the morning and will not be available. I'll be driving from 10am.

10.07am the calls start. 3 within 20 minutes. Then they stop until 1pm - panicked messages of - "are you ok?" start to creep into my mail box... they start to call each-other, in case one has spoken to me in the mean time!

Flattery or Stalking?

1.25pm I ring my husband back...
so whats up?
- nothing why?
all the missed calls?
oh I was just ringing to say hi.
but you knew I was going to be out?
yea, thought you would be finished.
7 minutes after I left?
well I knew I would be busy later so wanted to talk to you before things got crazy here.
oh I see, even though I was busy?
ya, sorry - thought you would be able to fit me in.
I see...
- so what you fancy for dinner?

... phones - convenience or a hinderence?

The Taste of Brandy...

The taste of brandy on my lovers lips sends shivers down my spin. The sweet smell of alcohol on his breath, makes mine catch in my chest. I wouldn't say mine is a great lover, not yet anyways. And why would I want him to be, not by now anyways. Almost a year married I would tire easily if I thought it had reached the peak of his prowess.

We talked recently, about our sex life, well about the lack there of, of a sex life. I must be among the few women on earth who have an avid need and desire for the activity, my poor husband's desires pale in comparison and I think my constant desire scares 'Bert' (yes I named it) into submission.

I never thought seriously that perhaps he found me unattractive but I did of course ask. It's taken me several months to discover that its a lack of understanding and experience of woman's body has made him doubt and fear the most natural thing in the world.

It's strange to say that although he lost his virginity over 10 years ago he really doesn't know what he is doing. I do remember with utter pleasure the first few nights we spent together and I think surely I would have noticed then his lack of experience? I've come to the conclusion that the first flushes of passion and the exhilaration of a new lover blinds us slightly to their actual capabilities and its only since our wedding has passed and 'things' have settled down that I have turned our attention to our sex life.

I know great sex exists. I know that anyone can be thought or shown or guided, once they are willing. I did it before. 5 Years I spent working on an Ex.. to say he was almost honed to perfection... but alas he dumped me and my only consolation is that perhaps his new lady doesn't quite have the same sexual desires or wants as me and his finely tuned skills will be wasted!

4 days ago I turned to 'Mr Darcy' and said; darling please we need to do something before I cave... and he explained that his fear of being unsure/ unable to satisfy me meant he couldn't even bring himself to try... kissing his forehead, I lit some candles, turned down the lights and guided him around my body. Hours we spent, enjoying ourselves... relaxed, tense, silly and teasing... each day has brought with it a new confidence in him... a cheekiness to his daring and a great love between us because we are now starting to communicate on an entirely new level.